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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/25160986">Meant to Be</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/maastrash/pseuds/maastrash'>maastrash</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>A Court of Thorns and Roses Series - Sarah J. Maas</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst with a Happy Ending, Domestic Fluff, F/M, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Humor, Light Angst, Romantic Fluff, Tropes, Weddings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-07-09</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-08-18</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-18 04:09:20</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>7</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>13,547</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/25160986</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/maastrash/pseuds/maastrash</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Recently out of an abusive relationship, Nesta Archeron is ready to restart her life. Given the opportunity to be co maid of honor with Elain at Feyre’s wedding Nesta hopes to reconnect with her sisters. However, during the wedding weekend, she can’t seem to avoid getting distracted by the obnoxious best man. She can’t help but feel that fate may have brought them together, but Nesta Archeron doesn’t need a man. Plus, soulmates don’t exist... right?</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Elain Archeron &amp; Azriel, Elain Archeron/Azriel, Feyre Archeron &amp; Rhysand, Feyre Archeron/Rhysand, Nesta Archeron &amp; Cassian, Nesta Archeron/Cassian, Nesta Archeron/Tomas Mandray</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>40</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>178</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Chapter 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>hello welcome to my nessian fic! i appreciate kudos and comments greatly! love you all &lt;3</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Nesta tried to look graceful while dragging her suitcase, 2 backpacks, makeup pouch, and handbag into the hotel. The light snow that had just started coming down was not helping in the slightest. She sighed with content when she finally got the door open and was greeted with warm air. Nesta hated Lake Tahoe. Actually that was a lie. Nesta did enjoy Lake Tahoe during the summer when there were boat rides, and crazy parties with the shining. But at the peak of winter, it was dreary, snowy, and frigid. Of course, Feyre and Rhysand had to have a Christmas winter wonderland wedding. Nesta rolled her eyes just thinking about it. </p><p>Although she often teased Feyre, Nesta was truly glad that she found someone that made her happy. She was free from her abusive ex Tamlin and Nesta knew how hard that was from experience. She was also thankful that Feyre gave her the opportunity to be co maid of honor with Elain. Nesta honestly thought that being invited was enough considering they hadn’t spoken in a few years, but Feyre had always been the gracious one. Feyre was also aware that it wasn’t exactly her fault for being out of touch. Her controlling ex had heavily restricted who she could contact and eventually she was so isolated the only person she spoke to was him. Nesta quickly banished the thought of Tomas from her mind. She wouldn’t even let the thought of him ruin her weekend.</p><p>Nesta tried to be pleasant as the man from the front desk got her room key. To be frank she was exhausted from both traveling and trying to get her life back on track. In order to truly rid Tomas from her life, she had moved to a completely different city and gotten a new job. It was starting to take a toll on her and all she wanted was to take a nice hot shower, but of course, it seemed that luck was not on her side. The elevator was broken, which meant she would have to lug all of her items up 2 flights of stairs. The bellman offered to help, but Nesta refused, wanting to do it on her own. Maybe it was because she was stubborn, or maybe it was just to prove to herself that she didn’t need a man to help her. Whatever her motive was, she did successfully make it up one flight of stairs, but she was starting to sweat and only getting more frustrated by the second. </p><p>“Need some help there?”</p><p>Nesta turned to see a very tall man staring at her many bags quizzically. He was handsome, she noticed. Tan, broad shouldered, with hazel eyes that reminded her of melted honey. She would be lying if she said she wasn’t tempted to accept his offer, but Nesta Archeron was a strong, independent woman who did not need help from a man.</p><p>“I’m fine.”</p><p>The stranger raised a brow. “Really? You’re lugging up like 10 bags up some very steep stairs. Why do you even need all that?”</p><p>Nesta rolled her eyes. Was her overpacking a little excessive? Sure. But did she need some brute like male to point it out? Absolutely not.<br/>
“Not that it’s any of your business but if you must know my sister is getting married this weekend so I need a lot of things if I’m going get her ready.”</p><p>“Ohhh, Feyre is your sister?” he asked, recognition in his eyes, “I’m Rhysand’s brother.”</p><p>That had Nesta raising a brow. There were some similarities between the two but this man had a much darker complexion. Rhysand also had very distinct blue eyes that almost looked purple, while the stranger’s eyes were very clearly brown.</p><p>“Adopted brother,” he clarified quickly, as if he could sense her doubt.</p><p>Nesta only nodded and then began climbing the second set of stairs. She got about halfway up before the stranger spoke again.</p><p>“You’re seriously not going to let me help you?”</p><p>“I already told you I don’t need your help.”</p><p>“I think you do sweetheart, you’re kinda moving at the pace of a snail right now.”</p><p>Nesta turned angrily. She was about to give him shit for calling her sweetheart and insulting her speed, but she turned too fast. Her foot slipped off the step. Nesta closed her eyes bracing herself for the impact - </p><p>but it never came.<br/>
She opened her eyes slowly and was greeted by an insufferable grin. </p><p>“Woah sweetheart, we’ve only had one conversation and now you’re already falling for me.”</p><p>Nesta scoffed at the sheer audacity of this man. “First of all, don’t call me sweetheart. And second, let go of me you creep.”</p><p>“First of all, I don’t know your name and sweetheart seemed like a better alternative to ‘angry woman.’ Second, if I did let go of you, you’d tumble down half a flight of stairs.” he said, mocking her tone as he helped Nesta stand back up. </p><p>She turned to leave again, but the man grabbed her hand. “I don’t even get a thank you for saving you from terrible injury and possibly death.”</p><p>“You distracting me is the reason I fell in the first place,” Nesta snapped ripping her hand away.</p><p>“Are you saying my devastatingly good looks distracted you into falling into my arms?”</p><p>The man even had the audacity to wink.</p><p>“As if,” she said coolly. </p><p>The stranger only laughed. He seemed unaffected by her cold words. It was almost like he found her icy demeanor a challenge. Almost like he wanted to break down all the walls she put up and see the real her. The thought had her squirming. </p><p>“How about your name then?” he asked, interrupting her thoughts. </p><p>“If I tell you will you let me climb these stairs in peace?” </p><p>He nodded.</p><p>“Nesta,” she said firmly. </p><p>The man extended his hand, “Cassian.”</p><p>Nesta begrudgingly shook his hand and hated that his smile grew at his small victory. </p><p>When Nesta turned back around to lug her bags Cassian kept his promise and didn’t say a word. However, he did walk behind her as if he would catch her again were she to fall. When she finally made it to the top she didn’t even look back.</p><p>“So what room are you in?” Cassian said as he quickly stepped in line beside her. </p><p>“I thought I told you to leave me alone,” Nesta glared. </p><p>“No sweetheart, you told me to let you climb the stairs in peace and I did.”</p><p>Nesta scowled at the name. “I told you my real name so why don’t you use it?” </p><p>Cassian grinned, “I like sweetheart, but if you don’t like it I’ll call you something else. How about Nes?”</p><p>Nesta’s frown turned onto a full-on scowl. This Cassian was absolutely insufferable. </p><p>“It’s Nesta and Nesta only. This is my room so will you please leave me alone and go to your own?”</p><p>Cassian raised a brow, “Well Nesta, it seems you and I will be seeing a lot of each other this weekend.”</p><p>She scoffed as she pulled out her room key, “And why do you say that?”</p><p>To Nesta’s horror, Cassian pulled out his key card and dramatically unlocked the door right next to hers. “Because we’re neighbors.”</p><p>Cassian gave her one last wink as he entered his room and left her gaping in the hallway.</p><p>Nesta knew one thing for sure, it was going to be one long ass weekend.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Chapter 2</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Nesta pulled a pillow over her head trying to muffle the sounds of bombs blasting on the other side of the thin hotel wall. Cassian was watching some stupid macho action war movie and every time an explosion happened she swore the wall shook. </p><p>Nesta checked the time on her phone - 2:37 am. Absolutely ridiculous. She’d been tossing and turning for more than an hour and enough was enough. Nesta threw on the plush, white, hotel robe on and didn’t even bother with shoes. She marched to Cassian’s room within seconds and banged on the door to relieve her pent up frustration.</p><p>She didn’t even give Cassian time to say a word when the door opened. “Turn your stupid movie down I need to sleep.”</p><p>If he was surprised to see her he didn’t show it. “Is that why you came here Nes? If you came inside we could do something way more fun than sleeping,” He smirked at her, “but if the walls are that thin we may have some problems.”</p><p>Nesta forced her cheeks not to heat at his blatant flirting “Just turn it down. I have the early rehearsal brunch early tomorrow.”</p><p>He raised a brow, “and I don’t?”</p><p>Shit. She completely forgot that he would probably be one of Rhysand’s groomsmen. “Well, I hoped not,” she said, forcing her face to remain neutral. </p><p>He smiled at her. “You sure you don’t want to come in? You’d look pretty cute sleeping in between my arms.”</p><p>Nesta practically growled. Just to push his buttons she looked him up and down slowly. He did look good. The black tee fit him perfectly, and the grey sweatpants - she didn’t need to explain. Despite how she truly felt, she said, “not interested,” doing her best to feign indifference.</p><p>“You’re blushing.”</p><p>“Am not,” she snapped, avoiding eye contact. At that, Nesta stomped away, content to get the last word in. When she got back to her room she froze. She didn’t have her room key. Shit. Her luck couldn’t be any worse. </p><p>She hurried down to the front desk taking the stairs two at a time. To her horror it was deserted, they must have been understaffed.</p><p>She ran her fingers through her hair trying to come up with a plan. Her phone was in her room and she didn’t know Feyre or Elain’s room numbers. Plus, both of her sisters were early sleepers so there’s no way they’d be awake. She knew what she had to do.</p><p>***<br/>“Back already? I promise I turned the TV down,” Cassian said, looking genuinely apologetic. </p><p>“It’s not that. I -,” she paused, not wanting to say it out loud. “I lockedmyselfoutofmyroom.”</p><p>“What?”</p><p>“I locked myself out of my room,” she repeated, slower this time. </p><p>“Did you go to the front desk?” he asked, giving her a grin that only irritated her further. </p><p>Did he think she wanted to be here? “Of course I did! There’s no one there.”</p><p>“Well do you want to come in?” Cassian asked as he stepped aside so she could enter if she wanted. </p><p>Nesta mumbled under her breath something along the lines of “I don’t have any other option,” but entered nonetheless. </p><p>“Well it seems like it was meant to be,” Cassian said quietly as he shut the door. </p><p>“That’s not true,” Nesta said, propping her hands on her hips. “It was just me being forgetful.”</p><p>Cassian shrugged, giving her a doubtful look. “That could be the case, but you don’t strike me as the forgetful type.”</p><p>He was right. She wasn’t normally forgetful, quite the opposite actually. But something about Cassian disarmed her. She was less cold when he smiled at her. Less put together when he cracked jokes. He was somehow able to melt her icy walls and she absolutely hated it. </p><p>“I’ll sleep on the floor,” she said, grabbing a pillow off the bed.</p><p>“It’s fine you can take the bed.”</p><p>“No, I’m the one who barged in so I should be on the floor.”</p><p>Cassian crossed his arms, “Nesta I’m not letting you sleep on the floor.”</p><p>“Well I’m not letting you sleep on the floor, it’s your room.”</p><p>“I guess we only have one option then.”</p><p>Nesta’s cheeks heated at his suggestion but it was true they were at a stalemate. </p><p>“Fine,” she gave in as she got into the bed. </p><p>“You’re really gonna sleep in that fluffy thing?” Cassian asked, gesturing to the robe. </p><p>It’s not that she wanted to, but her outfit was not necessarily appropriate. She was wearing her favorite pajama set that just happened to be floral, lacey, and very revealing. </p><p>After a moment of deliberation, she begrudgingly took off the robe and saw Cassian’s eyes widen at her outfit. “Not a word,” she interrupted him as he was no doubt about to drop another flirtatious comment. </p><p>Cassian instantly shut his mouth but couldn’t resist giving her a suggestive glance as he turned off the light. </p><p>“If you try anything funny I’ll kick you in the balls,” she stated as she lied down. </p><p>“Don’t worry Nes, I won’t do anything until you want me to,” he said, as he got into the bed, making sure to keep a respectful distance as he maneuvered under the covers. </p><p>That had her rolling her eyes. He said until like she would eventually want to do stuff with him. As if she would ever want him to do anything to her. She was going to scold him for the nickname but before she could, she felt herself drifting away.</p><p>Cassian laid wide awake long after Nesta dozed off. It wasn’t too long after she fell asleep that started rolling towards him. Eventually, she had her head right under his arm, hand on his chest, and a leg was thrown over his. Now Cassian was stuck laying stiff as a board. He meant what he said to her. He was quite aware that conscious Nesta would absolutely not want to cuddle with him. So he stayed awake, not wanting to disrespect her wishes. </p><p>Cassian craned his neck to look at her. He could make out the outlines of her face illuminated by the moonlight shining through the curtains. She seemed relaxed. The harsh lines on her face when she scowled at him were nowhere to be seen. He liked this side of Nesta, the side she probably didn’t let too many people see. The softer, less guarded Nesta. He made sure to take a mental picture, who knew if he’d ever see this side of her again. Cassian didn’t know when it happened but soon sleep claimed him as well. </p><p>***<br/>Nesta’s eyes shot open. To her horror, she was so intertwined with Cassian she couldn’t tell whose limbs were whose. Her cheeks heated as it was clear from their position on his side of the bed that she had moved towards him. She gently and carefully untangled herself to avoid an awkward conversation with Cassian. She checked the clock and luckily there was still an hour and a half to the rehearsal brunch. She quietly grabbed her robe and snuck out of the room. </p><p>Nesta let out a sigh of relief when she saw the front desk was staffed again. Luckily the bellman from last night recognized her and was able to get her another key to her room in no time. </p><p>Once in her room, she took off her pajamas which vaguely smelled like Cassian - sandalwood with a touch of something citrusy. She decided that she didn’t hate it. Maybe she even liked it. After taking a quick shower she put on her light blue sweater dress and paired it with her knee-high black boots. She swept some powder on her face and mascara on her lashes. She even put some extra effort into her appearance by adding soft brown eyeshadow and a light pink lip. She told herself it was strictly to look presentable for the rehearsal and definitely not to impress a certain someone. After adding some gold jewelry and making sure she had a room key, Nesta headed out the door. </p><p>As she made her way to the ballroom, a part of her wished Cassian would oversleep so she wouldn’t have to face him. But of course, there he was. She couldn’t deny that he looked good with his dress shirt and shoulder-length hair tied back. He smiled at her as she walked in, and it took her iron will to not meet his eyes.</p><p>“Nesta nice to see you,” Rhysand said in greeting.</p><p>“You too,” she said, giving a genuine smile.</p><p>Feyre and Elain embraced her with hugs, but they were soon interrupted by the fierce wedding planner. Amren may have been small, but she sure knew how to command the room. </p><p>She gave a basic overview of the rehearsal plan and Nesta did her best not to zone out. If she was honest she may have been checking out Cassian in his dress pants, but not for long. Her thoughts were quickly interrupted by the planner clapping her hands to get everyone’s attention.</p><p>“Maids of honor pair up with the two best men,” Amren said, gesturing to Nesta and Elain</p><p>“Oh, I call Azriel!” Elain exclaimed, running to his side. Azriel, Rhys’s other adopted brother gave her a soft smile as he linked his arm with hers. Nesta rolled her eyes. The two were so in love with each other and the only people who didn’t know it was them.</p><p>“I guess that leaves us then Nes,” a familiar voice said. </p><p>“I guess it does,” Nesta said as she took Cassian’s outstretched arm. </p><p>“You’ve already met?” Feyre asked, looking between the two of them confused.</p><p>“Long story,” they said at the same time.</p><p>Rhys just raised a brow and Feyre had the audacity to look amused. </p><p>Nesta ignored them as they made their way to the back of the room. Once the music began, Elain and Azriel led the way down the pretend aisle. “Maybe we could walk down the aisle together one day,” Cassian whispered as they followed in line.</p><p>“At Elain and Azriel’s wedding?” she questioned. </p><p>“Was that a joke from Nesta Archeron? I’m impressed,” he grinned at her. </p><p>Nesta couldn’t hold in her small chuckle. </p><p>“Not a bad prediction, but I was actually talking about our wedding.”</p><p>Cassian’s boldness would never fail to amaze her. “First, not gonna happen. Second, we wouldn’t walk down the aisle together stupid.”</p><p>“Semantics.”</p><p>She rolled her eyes. When they reached the front she was surprised that she was actually a little sad to let go of Cassian. She liked the feeling of him by her side. By the cauldron what was wrong with her? She had just met the guy for goodness sake. </p><p>The rest of the rehearsal went by in a blur. Nesta could hardly focus on anything with Cassian making faces at her the whole time. Elain gave her a few questioning glances but Nesta just gave her the look of I’ll explain later. </p><p>After the rehearsal was finished, Feyre and Rhysand gave a quick speech, and then brunch was served. </p><p>When Nesta finally found her place card she saw was seated right next to Cassian. This man was completely unavoidable. </p><p>“Thank you,” she whispered as she sat down “for yesterday.”</p><p>“Anytime Nes,” he winked.</p><p>“Do you have to make everything sexual?”</p><p>“C'mon you know you love it.”</p><p>The two ended up bantering throughout the whole brunch. At one point Cassian made such a vulgar comment, Nesta almost choked on her orange juice. </p><p>She definitely got her revenge though. Cassian had gotten some powdered sugar on his face so naturally, Nesta had removed it with her finger. She made sure to do it slowly, never breaking eye contact. To her satisfaction, Cassian was speechless for the first time since she’d met him. </p><p>Nesta hated to admit it, but she actually had a good time talking to Cassian. In fact, the two-hour brunch felt like two minutes.</p><p>“Cass.”</p><p>“Cass”</p><p>“Cass!” Azriel said, waving a hand in front of his face.</p><p>“You ready to go?” Azriel asked, looking apologetic to be interrupting him and Nesta’s conversation. </p><p>Nesta felt her cheeks flush at the realization that Azriel had been trying to get their attention for a few minutes and neither of them had noticed. </p><p>“Oh yea sorry, I’m ready. I’ll Catch you later Nes,” he said giving her one last smile as he followed Azriel out.</p><p>“Ok spill, now,” Elain said, grabbing Nesta’s hand as soon as the boys were out of sight.</p><p>“What are you talking about El?”</p><p>“I’m talking about the crazy sexual tension between you and Cassian!”</p><p>Nesta tried to laugh it off, “it’s nothing I swear.”</p><p>“Well, a whole lot of nothing had you ignoring me the whole brunch!”</p><p>Nesta groaned, not wanting to have this conversation at all. “That’s because I wanted you to have an alone conversation with Azriel.”</p><p>“Nuh uh you don’t get to change the subject here Nes.”</p><p>“I swear it’s nothing Elain. I promise I will tell you if it becomes something.”</p><p>“Promise?” Elain asked holding her pinky up.</p><p>“Promise,” Nesta said firmly, intertwining her pinky with Elain’s.</p><p>“Am I interrupting an Archeron pinky promise?” Feyre asked questioningly as she sat down next to Elain.”</p><p>“We were just talking about Nesta and Cassian,” Elain teased.</p><p>“Ah I see,” Feyre laughed. “Is that a thing now Nesta?”</p><p>“Of course not Fey, I just met the guy.”</p><p>“Not yet she means,” Elain interjected. </p><p>“Who knows maybe it’s meant to be,” Feyre added as she took a strawberry from Elain’s plate.</p><p>“Why do people keep saying that to me?” Nesta said, crossing her arms and leaning back into her chair dramatically.</p><p>Feyre and Elain just gave each other a knowing glance but changed to subject to appease their sister.</p><p>“So Fey what do we do until tomorrow?” Elain asked, taking another bite from her remaining french toast.</p><p>“Well you’re free to do whatever you want but if you want ideas I may have one.”</p><p>“And what’s that?” Nesta asked.</p><p>“Well, every year Cass, Rhys, and Az have an annual snowball fight, which is why they all just left.” Nesta scoffed at that. They were literally 12-year-old boys trapped in grown male bodies. “I say we change out of these dresses and sneak attack them during their game.”</p><p>“That sounds fun!” Elain exclaimed. </p><p>Nesta couldn’t help but smile. It felt so good to be with her sisters again. She had truly missed it so much. Elain’s joy was infectious and Feyre made her feel so welcome like no time had passed at all. She appreciated them more than they knew.</p><p>“What do you say, Nesta?” Feyre asked, nudging her arm. </p><p>“I say, it sounds like the boys are going down,” Nesta said, barely containing her grin.</p><p>Let’s do this!” Feyre squealed. </p><p>And as the sisters embraced, Nesta felt complete for the first time in a long while.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Chapter 3</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>WARNING - nesta has a mild panic attack... just wanted to give you all a heads up in case that's triggering.<br/>and as always kudos and comments are always appreciated :)</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>After taking off their rehearsal dresses and putting on warmer clothes to brave the snow, the Archeron sisters prepared for battle. They had a good vantage point watching the boys. Each brother had their own little snow fort and very different strategies. Azriel had a whole stash of snowballs prepared. He seemed to be watching the others, waiting for the right moment to attack. He reminded Nesta of a spy. Rhysand was very methodical. He seemed to have an effective method - a good balance between throwing and making snowballs. And then there was Cassian. His strategy seemed to be no strategy at all. He would sometimes just run in circles drawing their fire and other times go full force throwing. It seemed like madness, but surprisingly he was doing better than she expected. </p><p>Nesta’s lips turned upward slightly watching him. He looked so in his element. The wind blowing his hair, honey golden eyes shining, and a smile that could soften the coldest heart. The sisters began making their snowballs, ready to dominate the fight. The plan was solid, Feyre the strategist had come up with it. </p><p>Elain would serve as a distraction. Once the boys let their guard down Feyre and Nesta would infiltrate their forts and fire. Nesta gave Elain the thumbs up and the plan was officially underway. </p><p>“Hey, guys!” Elain smiled as she ran straight into the middle of the snow battle. She expected to be hit and braced herself as one snowball came flying at her face. It was fast, cold, and definitely hurt, but she took one for the team. Falling as dramatically as she could Elain landed on her ass in the snow, holding a hand to her eye. </p><p>Within seconds Az was at her side, “Elain I’m so sorry are you okay?” he asked clearly horrified that he hit her. </p><p>Elain began to nod but then winced in pain in an attempt to draw the others out. “I think I hurt my ankle.”</p><p>Cassian and Rhys made their way over. “Do you think you can walk on it?” </p><p>She nodded as Az helped her up. With Az on one side and Rhysand on the other, she leaned on them hobbling away.</p><p>Az kept mumbling apologies and the guilt was so clear that Elain actually felt bad for what was about to happen.</p><p>“Now!” Feyre yelled and Elain pushed the boys down and ran to Azriel’s fort. </p><p>The boys, clearly confused, never saw the attack coming. Within seconds they were being pelted with snowballs and had absolutely no cover.</p><p>The sisters had overtaken their forts, snowball stashes, and were showing no mercy.</p><p>Once they realized what was happening the boys dropped to the ground and split making them harder to hit. Az sprinted toward his fort where Elain was pelting snowballs and Feyre did the same to Rhys. Nesta was ready, doing her best to slow Cassian from reaching his fort where she was currently stationed.</p><p>She got him good in the face once and then a couple to the chest, but she could only slow him down so much. She reached for another snowball but to her horror, she was all out. She cursed Cassian for his lack of preparation. When she looked back up he was nowhere to be seen. She saw Rhys and Feyre chucking snow at each other and Az was practically letting Elain pile snow onto him. </p><p>“Looking for me sweetheart?” Nesta flinched as she heard a voice from behind her, no above her. </p><p>She looked up to see Cassian holding a pile of snow over her head with a shit-eating grin on his face. “Cassian if you value your life you will seriously consider your options here and choose to not -”</p><p>She was interrupted as cold, wet snow fell on her face. Nesta could hear Cassian laughing as she furiously shook it off of her hair. “You are going to regret that.”</p><p>Nesta launched herself onto Cassian. He was clearly taken by surprise since he staggered, falling into the snow. Nesta was practically straddling him as she threw snow onto his face. Payback was a bitch.</p><p>“Okay okay you win,” Cassian said, muffled from all the snow. He even raised his hand in surrender. Nesta realizing her compromising position slowly began to push herself off when Cassian flipped them so he was on top of her. “Gotcha.”</p><p>Nesta tried not to flinch at their current position. Cassian had full control. He was bigger and she couldn’t move. For a moment she forgot where she was. She forgot Cassian was Cassian and that she was transported back to 6 months ago. It felt too much like the last time she had seen Tomas. The night where she decided she had finally had enough. Nesta hated how she couldn’t speak. Hated how she felt like she was suffocating. </p><p>As if Cassian could see her discomfort he released his grip and stepped back as quickly as he could. Nesta immediately drew her knees in and wrapped her arms around herself. She told herself to breathe. She was panicking she could feel it. </p><p>“Nesta look at me.”</p><p>“Nesta.”</p><p>“Nesta!” she made eye contact because of the pure worry coating his words. </p><p>“Breathe with me Nesta can you do that?” Cassian asked as he rubbed soothing circles with his hand on her calf. </p><p>She nodded slowly and followed his lead as he breathed in and out deeply. Storm grey eyes locked with honey-golden ones. After a few deep breaths, Nesta could feel herself relaxing. She removed her hands from her body. One she set flat on the snow just feeling the coolness and grounding herself to the present. The other squeezed Cassian’s hand. She was in control. She was with Cassian in Lake Tahoe not trapped in a small, dingy apartment with Tomas. </p><p>“I’m so sorry Nesta,” Cassian began as her breathing returned to normal. “I wasn’t thinking and I shouldn’t have - “</p><p>“It’s okay,” she cut him off. “How could you have known?” she said, her voice barely above a whisper. </p><p>“Who hurt you?” he asked softly, though his hands slightly shook from restrained anger.</p><p>At that Nesta pulled her hand away, suddenly uncomfortable. She’d never told anyone what happened, why she left Tomas. It reminded her why she had these walls up. Cassian was too close for comfort.</p><p>“Why?” she snapped, her worlds cold. “Would it make you treat me differently.” </p><p>“It would make me hunt them down and break every bone in their body,” he said with a deadly calm voice. It almost made Nesta afraid for Tomas if Cassian ever found out. </p><p>“You barely know me”</p><p>“I would do it for anyone.”</p><p>Nesta believed him, but that didn’t change the fact that she couldn’t trust him. People always betrayed her. She stood dusting the snow off of her body and left, not even looking back. </p><p>Cassian watched her go. </p><p>***</p><p>When she got back to her room she changed out of her soggy clothes into a warm, fleece sweater and pajama shorts. Lying in bed she pulled the covers up to her chin and watched the snow falling from her window. She liked Cassian. Maybe as a friend, maybe something more. A part of her wished she met him before Tomas broke her. Before, she could have maybe let him in. Maybe. Too many maybes. The truth was it was too late for her. She would be alone and she would be fine with it. </p><p>She heard her phone buzz. It had been a couple of hours. Feyre and Elain wanted her to eat dinner with all of them but she just couldn’t. She texted them saying she wasn’t feeling very well and went back to staring at nothing. </p><p>Nesta snapped out of her trance when she heard knocking at the door. She planned to ignore it but she instantly sat up when she heard his voice. “Nesta? Nesta, it’s me.”</p><p>She stood up and looked out her peephole. Cassian looked nervous and was holding a to-go bag. She hated to admit it, but she was hungry. She opened the door a crack and met his eyes. “I brought you a chicken sandwich,” he said softly as if he was worried about scaring her off. </p><p>“Thank you,” she said, taking the bag gingerly. </p><p>“Can I come in?” he asked putting his hands in his pockets. He almost looked awkward. It was so unlike him. </p><p>She nodded opening the door open for him. </p><p>They sat at the edge of the bed and Nesta took out the sandwich, still warm. </p><p>They were quiet for a bit as Nesta ate and Cassian stared at the wall. </p><p>“What’s your favorite type of dog?” Cassian asked, finally breaking the silent tension.</p><p>Nesta couldn’t help her laugh of surprise. “What?”</p><p>He shrugged his shoulders “I’m just curious.”</p><p>“I like Dobermans.”</p><p>“Scary dogs.”</p><p>“I like them. Good guard dogs. Plus, they have cute faces.” Cassian laughed at that. “And you?” Nesta asked. </p><p>“I like german shepherds.” </p><p>It wasn’t surprising. Cassian sorta reminded her of a german shepherd. Big and intimidating at first, but sweet, thoughtful creatures through and through. </p><p>They talked about anything and everything. From their favorite colors to their least favorite vegetable. At one point Cassian made such a stupid joke they both laughed until they couldn’t breathe. Once they resituated themselves, their hands brushed. Nesta hated how her cheeks flushed at the contact. His eyes flicked to her lips and back to her eyes. As if some internal force pulled them in. They both leaned in lips about to touch. Nesta wanted to give in and she almost did. Almost. But she couldn’t. </p><p>She stepped back quickly like she was burned. “You should go.”</p><p>“Nesta I -”</p><p>“Go.”</p><p>He nodded. Jaw tense. He didn’t want to fight her. </p><p>Nesta sighed as he left. She didn’t want to push him away, she just couldn’t help it. She lied down closing her eyes just wanting this horrid day to end. </p><p>*** </p><p>Nesta shot out of bed, heart beating quick, sweat coating her body. Nightmares weren’t new. What was new was the desire to see Cassian. </p><p>Before she could even comprehend what she was doing she was outside his door knocking.</p><p>A bleary-eyed Cassian opened the door. </p><p>“Nesta? What’s wrong.”</p><p>“I had a bad dream and I don’t know I just wanted to see you. You know uh this was dumb I think I’m just gonna go ba -”</p><p>“Nesta, wait,” he said grabbing her hand gently. </p><p>She turned and his arms were outsretched. She didn’t even think, her body just reacted. She was instantly wrapping her small arms around his taut waist. He hugged her gently not wanting to trap her, stroking her hair and back gently. </p><p>They stayed there for a while. It was nice. Until Cassian asked, “do you wanna talk about it?”</p><p>Nesta stepped back “I knew this was a mistake.”</p><p>“Nesta I just think talking would help you - “</p><p>“I don’t want to,” she snapped, walking away.</p><p>“Why do you push me away?” She didn't look back. “Nesta, I just want to help you.” </p><p>That had her turning around. “In case I haven’t made it clear, I don’t want your help. I don’t need it. I don’t need you. I don’t need anyone.”</p><p>Cassian sighed in exasperation, “Nesta that’s not what I meant I just want to be there for you.”</p><p>“Just leave me alone. You can’t help someone who doesn’t want to be helped,” she said, voice low.</p><p>At that she walked away, done with the conversation. She walked past her room, she didn't want to be alone. She knew Feyre was staying with Elain since it was the day before the wedding and she and Rhysand were trying to be traditional. She knocked softly once she reached her door. </p><p>“Nesta?” Feyre asked rubbing the sleep from her eyes. “What’s wrong?”</p><p>Nesta couldn’t help her eyes from welling up with unshed tears. She sat on the bed between Feyre and Elain, not saying a word. “You can talk to us,” Feyre said, encouraging her. Elain nodded as she grabbed her hand gently. They gave her a moment, but as soon as Feyre put an arm around her it all came out. The truth about her breakup with Tomas. How he isolated her from everyone she ever knew how he threatened o come after her if she left. How Cassian made her feel something she never expected to feel. How she was unfixable and afraid of letting him in. </p><p>Feyre and Elain listened and didn’t speak until she was done. </p><p>“For what it’s worth Nesta, Cassian is truly a good guy. I know with 100% certainty he would never treat you like Tomas.” Feyre said. </p><p>“I'm sorry you went thought that Nesta," Elain said rubbing circles on her hand. "But you should know that you are one of the strongest girls I know. You deserve love and happiness. It’s been six months and Tomas is in the past for good. Not everyone is like him.”</p><p>“And you’re not unfixable Nesta," Feyre added firmly. "No one is unfixable. Don’t let the bad thoughts win. Don't let Tomas win.”</p><p>Nesta let the tears fall freely. She was incredibly thankful for her sisters. She may not have had the words to show it, but her actions could. She pulled them both into a group hug. </p><p>The sisters lied in each other’s arms like they were children. Soon Feyre and Elain's breathing evened out and she knew they were sleeping. Nesta carefully climbed out of the bed, not wanting to wake them. As much as she wanted to stay, she needed time to think alone. She crept back into her room, utterly exhausted. She closed her eyes and fell asleep thinking about the boy right next door. So close, yet so far.</p>
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<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Chapter 4</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>hehe the fluff before the storm ...</p>
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    <p>Nesta woke to her phone blaring that shrill radar alarm sound. She quickly shut it off and checked her phone - it was officially wedding day. Rubbing the sleep from her eyes, she slipped on her fuzzy grey slippers and robe. She didn’t even glance at her reflection before leaving the room. She wanted to try and catch Cassian before the wedding. She knocked on the door 3 times, quick and firm. She waited a minute before knocking again, but there was still no answer. Cassian was either getting ready for the wedding in Rhysand’s room or just didn’t want to see her. Not surprising. She obviously wasn’t the nicest to him yesterday. Nesta trudged back to her room, defeated. She’d just have to talk to him at the wedding.</p><p>After grabbing her dress hanger and makeup bag, she quickly headed to Feyre’s room. The door was already open when she arrived. She was only 10 minutes late, but it was already an absolute madhouse. Bridesmaids were bustling around trying to get ready in such a small space without tripping on all the supplies strewn around. The videographer was also in everyone’s way doing their best to get some nice behind the scenes shots. Amidst the chaos, Feyre was getting her hair curled by Rhysands cousin, Morrigan while Amren worked on her makeup.</p><p>Nesta noticed the other bridesmaids were already dressed in their light baby blue dresses. She quickly pulled her own dress out of the protective bag. Her and Elain’s dress were navy blue to differentiate them as maids of honor, which also contrasted the light blue beautifully. The wedding wasn’t for another couple hours but it seemed that the photographer wanted to get pictures of the wedding party ahead of time. Probably to capture everyone while they were still fresh-faced and energized.</p><p>Elain noticed Nesta and welcomed her with a hug before she began doing her makeup. Nesta usually stuck to natural looks so Elain did her makeup for all the big events such as prom and graduation. She started by applying some soft smokey brown eyeshadow onto her lids. Then she dusted powder all over her face to set the liquid foundation. </p><p>“You look stunning Nesta,” Elain said as she finished adding pink gloss to Nesta’s lips and some shimmer to the bridge of her nose. </p><p>Elain handed Nesta a small mirror and she couldn’t help but smile. She looked radiant. “All because of you El.” </p><p>***</p><p>Nesta scowled as her foot sunk into the snow. The wedding photographer made the bridesmaids brave the frigid weather in their thin dresses. Nesta did her best to look happy in the pictures and not the freezing, miserable mess she actually was. They took some basic, professional ones, but the photographer also wanted some fun ones to capture Feyre and Rhysand’s goofy side. She had to admit the one of the groomsmen holding Rhysand and bridesmaids holding Feyre horizontally was pretty cute. </p><p>“That was great guys. You can all take a little break. I want some individual shots of the couple,” the photographer called as he dragged Feyre and Rhysand away. </p><p>The rest of the wedding party huddled underneath a canopy watching the happy couple pose in the snow. Nesta shivered as goosebumps covered her bare arms. Damn Feyre for making the dresses sleeveless. </p><p>Before Nesta could attempt to rub some warmth back into her arms, she felt something cover her shoulders. She looked back to see Cassian draping his suit jacket over her. He turned to leave but she grabbed his hand, “stay?” she asked softly. </p><p>He nodded, body tense as he stood next to her. After a few minutes of silence it was clear he was not initiating anything, so Nesta did. </p><p>“I’m sorry,” she began. “About yesterday, I didn’t mean what I said. You were only trying to help me. You’ve been nothing but nice to me and I should’ve appreciated that instead of attacking you.”</p><p>Cassian ran his fingers through his hair, clearly thinking about what he wanted to say. “Nesta, every time I get close to you, you run,” he paused. “Every time I think you’re opening up to me, you close right back up and push me away.” </p><p>She sighed, taking a breath. He wasn’t wrong. She did run from him. It wasn’t his fault she was so back and forth. “It’s just hard for me to trust people, but I’m trying,” she said as sincerely as she could. She meant it. She just hoped he could see that. </p><p>He looked at her. Really looked at her. He opened his mouth to speak but was interrupted by the photographer calling them all back. Nesta mouthed a quiet “thank you” as she handed his jacket back to him. </p><p>The photographer got a few more shots of them kicking snow around and then it was time to really start getting ready. People were already seated and Rhysand had already taken his place at the front. </p><p>“You nervous Fey?” Elain asked as she touched up Feyre’s makeup outside the chapel doors. </p><p>“No,” Feyre smiled, practically beaming. “I’m more excited.”</p><p>Nesta smiled as she fluffed Feyre’s curls. She was also excited about her younger sister marrying her soulmate. “I can’t wait to see Rhysand’s face when he sees you,” Nesta laughed softly.</p><p>“Me too,” Feyre giggled like a blushing bride. “I’m glad that you’re here Nesta,” she said squeezing her hand gently. </p><p>“I’m glad I’m here too,” she said, pulling Feyre into a hug. She squeezed her as tight as she could without flattening her dress.</p><p>“Hey, Az!” Elain practically squealed, breaking up the heartfelt moment. </p><p>“Hey Lain,” Azriel smiled softly at her as the groomsmen walked up. </p><p>Nesta wished those two would just admit their feelings for each other. Elain lit up like a Christmas tree every time Az walked into a room. Even Azriel who was hard to read looked more relaxed as Elain put her arm in his. </p><p>“Ready sweetheart?” Cassian asked as he also put his arm out for Nesta to grasp.</p><p>“Of course.” She smiled as she linked arms with him, savoring his warmth.</p><p>Elain and Azriel led the way, followed by Nesta and Cassian. The rest of the wedding party not far behind. Once they all reached the front the crowd stood as Feyre walked in. Both their parents had passed, so Feyre walked alone with her bouquet. If anything that only made her look more regal. She looked like an absolute queen in her lace sleeved, beaded gown. Nesta saw Rhysand unsurprisingly shed a few tears at the sight of his fiance walking towards him.</p><p>The service was relatively short and sweet. Nesta did her best to pay attention, but every few minutes her gaze shifted to Cassian. She didn’t even realize she had been staring at him until the crowd’s cheers startled her. </p><p>“Get ready to eat everyone!” Rhysand called as he pulled his wife down from the altar. </p><p>Feyre laughed as her now-husband spun her down the aisle. Everyone slowly migrated to the ballroom for the reception. The crowd cheered once again as Feyre and Rhysand were introduced as a married couple for the first time. </p><p>Of course their group, or inner circle as Rhysand liked to call them, were all seated together in the center. Everyone was mingling and to be honest it wasn’t really Nesta’s scene. </p><p>“Can I get you a drink, sweetheart?” Cassian asked as he stood from his seat.</p><p>“Trying to get me drunk are you?” she teased. </p><p>“Maybe I am,” he whispered in her ear from behind her chair. She shivered slightly from the feeling of his breath on the back of her neck. </p><p>“I’ll have a long island iced tea,” she said, doing her best to keep her voice even.</p><p>Cassian only winked as he walked towards the bar.</p><p>Nesta downed her 2 long island iced teas before dinner was even served. She already felt the buzz. Being a lightweight drinker was a blessing and a curse. She enjoyed the feeling of being tipsy. Alcohol made her feel lighter, happier. The usually stoic, ice queen Nesta found herself laughing and smiling after a few drinks. She even enjoyed the company of the inner circle, especially a certain oversized brute. She could feel herself leaning into Cassian when he put his arm behind her chair. They most definitely got a couple of stares, but drunk Nesta couldn’t even seem to care. Maybe she even liked it. </p><p>The festivities really began with Feyre and Rhysand’s first dance. Nesta was definitely not a romantic but even her eyes watered as Rhysand swept Feyre across the dancefloor. The love and adoration in his eyes as he held her could be seen by everyone. Feyre looked like an absolute goddess with the lights shining down. Her smile was ethereal. There was no couple more made for one another as Feyre and Rhysand. </p><p>After the song ended they took a bow and other couples began to raid the dancefloor. Morrigan was slow dancing with her girlfriend and even Amren took a break from supervising to dance with her boyfriend.</p><p>“Want to dance Nes?” Cassian asked as he stood up, offering his hand. She swore her heart melted at the look in his eyes. </p><p>Nesta didn’t say anything, but taking his hand with a smile on her face was an answer in it of itself. </p><p>They walked hand in hand to the center of the ballroom and she even let him lead her across the dance floor. His hands were so warm on her waist and she couldn’t help but lean into his touch. She tightened her grip around his neck and let one hand play with his hair. If she was honest, nothing had ever felt more right. </p><p>“Nes?” Cassian asked, interrupting her thoughts. </p><p>“Cass?” </p><p>“Sweetheart if you keep dancing with me like this people might think you actually like me.” He said it jokingly, but she could tell he was trying to read her intentions.</p><p>“And if I said I did like you?” she asked, not backing down. </p><p>“I would say I don’t believe you.”</p><p>“Let me prove it then,” and before Cassian could even respond Nesta was pressing her lips to his in the middle of the dancefloor. He was still for a moment as if he couldn’t believe this was happening. Nesta pulled back trying to read his face. She didn’t get very far. Cassian took her face in his hands, kissing her once again. Her lips parted as she followed his lead. </p><p>After what felt like forever Nesta pulled away, slightly breathless. “Believe me now?” she asked. His answer could be seen by his smile alone. </p><p>“You trying to steal my thunder there Cass?” Rhysand asked, appearing out of nowhere. “It is my wedding you know,” he said, smirking at the couple. Feyre snickered softly as Rhysand led her to the center of the room. </p><p>“I’m throwing the bouquet now bitches!” Feyre giggled, clearly intoxicated. </p><p>Nesta laughed at her antics as she and Elain quickly took their place in the circle of awaiting ladies. </p><p>Feyre gave a wink before turning around. </p><p>The cheers went crazy as the bouquet flew. It only got louder when it landed perfectly in Nesta’s hands. Her eyes went wide.</p><p>“See you all at Nesta and Cassian wedding, peace out!” Feyre practically screamed as she stumbled over her own two feet.</p><p>“Why don’t we go sit down Feyre darling,” Rhysand asked, grabbing his wife so she wouldn’t collapse in the middle of the floor. </p><p>Nesta blushed as she made her way towards Cassian. “Sorry about that,” she laughed, pointing at the bouquet. Doing her best to play it off as a joke. </p><p>Cassian laughed, taking the bouquet from her hands as she settled onto his lap. “I told you we were meant to be. This sign only proves it.”</p><p>“Cassian I -”</p><p>She was interrupted by Rhysand clapping his hands. “We’re going to cut the cake now before Feyre is so far gone that she cuts me instead of the cake.”</p><p>Everyone laughed as Feyre smashed Rhys’s face into the cake. He only smiled as he pulled her in for a kiss rubbing the frosting all over her as well. </p><p>It wasn’t long after that every one wished the newlywed couple farewell. Rhysand was practically carrying Feyre to the limo waiting to take them away to their honeymoon. It was a sight to see. Nesta would have to make fun of Feyre for that later. </p><p>All jokes aside, it was a perfect evening and she was so thankful to be a part of it. Being with her sisters, meeting Cassian, made her feel alive again. Standing with the rest of the wedding party, she waved as the car slowly drove away. </p><p>Nesta felt him before she saw him. Cassian placed his jacket on her once again before pulling her gently to his side. Turning into him, Nesta wrapped her small arms around his torso. By the cauldron he was strong. She could literally feel his toned muscles through the shirt. They stood there for a few minutes, just content to be in each other’s arms.</p><p>“Wanna head back inside?” Cassian asked once the snow began to fall.</p><p>Nesta nodded and the pair walked hand in hand all the way up two flights of stairs. When they reached their rooms neither wanted to leave. </p><p>“Do you maybe wanna stay in my room tonight?” Cassian almost looked like a child asking to stay up past their bedtime. </p><p>Steel grey eyes met ones of chocolate honey. “More than anything.” </p><p>Nesta couldn’t help but smile as Cassian handed her his shirt to change into. It was a soft grey t-shirt with faded letters. When she put it on she was engulfed by his scent. </p><p>Once under the covers, she leaned into him, feeling his heartbeat underneath her hand.</p><p>When his breathing evened out she pressed a gentle kiss to his cheek. “I’m trying to take down my walls,” she whispered against his ear. “For you, I’m trying.”</p>
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<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Chapter 5</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>i didn't really edit but hope you enjoy lol sorry it took so long</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Nesta opened her eyes, squinting softly at the sunlight streaming through the curtains. She stretched her legs slightly as she adjusted, trying her best not to disturb the man sleeping like a log beside her. She couldn’t help but find herself amused at her current situation - so similar to the last time she was in Cassian’s room, yet different at the same time. Similar in the sense that their limbs were intertwined and it was the best sleep of her life. Cassian had an arm haphazardly strewn across her waist and her head was tucked into his bare chest. Different because the first time she practically snuck out as fast as she could and now, now she never wanted to leave. She even pressed herself closer as Cassian continued to snore softly. It surprised her that she hadn’t noticed the whole night. She felt safe with Cassian, complete. She would never forget this moment. Never forget this weekend. </p><p>“Good morning sweetheart,” Cassian whisper-yawned, his voice still raspy from sleep. </p><p>“Good morning,” she said, gazing into his eyes. They were mesmerizing. In all of the books Nesta read, dark hair blue-eyed beauties got all the attention. It wasn’t until this very moment she wondered why brown eyes were never appreciated.</p><p>“What time is it?” he asked, rubbing the sleep from his eyes.</p><p>“Time to check out, unfortunately,” she said, a tad bit deflated.</p><p>Cassian nodded as he brushed a stray hair behind her ear. “How are you getting home?”</p><p>“Taking the bus again,” Nesta answered as she leaned into his touch.</p><p>Cassian’s eyes widened. Shock gracing his features. “That’s ridiculous. I’ll drive you.”</p><p>Nesta laughed softly at his utter ridiculousness, “Cassian, you don’t even know where I live.” That didn’t seem to deter him. “I took the bus to get here, totally easy, and safe,” she added as extra evidence. </p><p>“Where do you live?” he asked. It seemed as though he didn’t hear a word she said. </p><p>Nesta rolled her eyes at his antics. This boy was too thoughtful for his own good. “San Francisco.”</p><p>Cassian’s eyes lit up at that. “That’s perfect! I live in Santa Barbara. I’ll drop you off. I mean it’s practically on the way.”</p><p>“I don’t know Cassian I-”</p><p>“I’m not letting you take the bus alone Nes,”</p><p>“Okay, fine,” she gave in, realizing it was pointless to try to stop him. “But I’m paying you gas money.”</p><p>Cassian grinned at her response. “Good luck with that.”</p><p>*** </p><p>The car ride was actually quite pleasant. Cassian made fun of how many bags Nesta brought for a weekend getaway. They talked about practically everything. Of course, it began with the basics like their jobs, families, and school, but they soon delved into more interesting topics. What Nesta found most intriguing about Cassian as she got to know him was the story behind how he had gotten the scar on his brow. his stubbornness to turn back when a large wave came his way had led him to cut his face on a rock in a surfing mishap. Honestly, it wasn’t all that shocking, he did always did strike her as an adventurous type.</p><p>By the end of the 4-hour ride, Nesta felt she really knew who Cassian was. She definitely didn’t know everything about him, but what she did know his character. He was someone who had faced a lot of hardship growing up. So much so that society would expect him to grow angry and bitter at the world, but that couldn’t be farther from the truth. He was one of few who channeled their anger into positive energy. His anger became his drive. He had taken loans and worked all through college all so he could help others facing similar, devastating home lives find hope. Hope for their future. He was inspiring. He inspired her. It only took 4 hours for Nesta to know that she couldn’t just let him go. She wanted to learn everything about him. </p><p>As he helped her unload her bags she couldn’t stop the question from coming out. “When will I see you again?”</p><p>Cassian looked surprised. She blushed at his gaze. “You gonna miss me Nes?”</p><p>“No.” Yes.</p><p>“Tell you what,” he began pulling out his phone, “Let’s exchange numbers and we’ll figure it out.”</p><p>Nesta nodded and handed him her phone. Cassian winked as he handed it back to her. She rolled her eyes as she read the contact -“Cassian the love of my life.” How could she expect anything less from him?</p><p>“I’ll call you Nes,”</p><p>“Okay,” she nodded.</p><p>“Okay,” he answered. </p><p>Both stood still for a moment, content to just stare at one another. Nesta didn’t know who moved first but suddenly she was wrapped in his arms. Lips pressed against his. She wanted to stay there forever. Nothing felt more right than being with him. Sooner than either of them wanted, they pulled away, gazing into each other’s eyes. </p><p>“Get home safe,” she whispered against his ear as he pulled her into a hug.</p><p>“I will,” he answered as he gently pressed a kiss to her hair.</p><p>And as Nesta watched Cassian drive away, she felt a piece of her heart go with him. Shit. She really was falling for him. </p><p>*** </p><p>3 months later </p><p>Nesta printed her closing reports and signed off on them as quickly as she could. It had been 3 months since the wedding. 3 months since she met Cassian. It was probably the best weekend of her life, but life had to go on. She couldn’t stay there forever. She returned to her job in San Francisco where she had just moved. Starting fresh had its perks, but the downside was not knowing anyone. She was often alone, but face-timing Cassian at night helped her forget her lack of friends. </p><p>They weren’t officially dating, but Cassian had already visited her twice. They usually spent the whole weekend watching movies wrapped up in each other’s arms. She’d only been to visit once, but he said he’d rather make the 5-hour drive than her. Although she did have to admit, Santa Barbara beaches were superior. In fact, watching the beach sunsets had been her favorite part of the visit. </p><p>It had been two weeks since she’d seen him in person and now she couldn’t wait to get back home and spend the entire weekend with him. This time she wanted to do all the touristy SF shenanigans with him. Nesta normally hated cute things like that, but with Cassian, it didn’t feel like that at all. In fact, she almost understood cringey couples. Almost.</p><p>Nesta heard a figure approaching as she locked the file drawer. “I’m sorry, we’re actually closed,” she said without even looking up.</p><p>“Are you now?” Nesta froze. She’d recognize that voice anywhere. She raised her head slowly and to her horror, she locked eyes with an enraged Tomas Mandray. </p><p>“What are you doing here?” she asked, trying to keep her rising panic at bay. </p><p>He only chuckled darkly. “Did you really think you could run away from me Nesta?” She did her best not to flinch as he slammed his hand down on the desk. “Did you really think I wouldn’t find you?”</p><p>Nesta swallowed, suddenly finding it very hard to speak. “If you come any closer I’ll call security.”  Her words came out much weaker than she’d wished. </p><p>“You work in a small, measly office. I know there is no security.” Nesta felt her hands starting to sweat. He had called her bluff, she was trapped. “Get up,” he said, grabbing her arm. </p><p>Nesta stood weighing her options. She could try to run, but he was faster than her. She could try to fight, but Tomas would overpower her. “What do you want?” she asked, trying to buy time.</p><p>“I want you to come home, Nesta.” </p><p>“I would rather die.” </p><p>Before she could even process it, Tomas had raised a hand and struck her across the face. Her eyes stung with unshed tears as she gingerly touched her face. She didn’t even have a chance to recover as he grabbed her by the hair and slammed her into the wall. He gripped her shoulders, holding her in place. His hands were squeezing so tight, she knew they would leave a mark. </p><p>“You little bitch,” he practically growled in her face. “I’m taking you back, whether you want to or not.”</p><p>Nesta knew she should stop fighting. Knew that there was nothing she could do, but she refused to back down. She may not be able to escape, but Tomas wouldn’t make her weak again. If she was going down, she was gonna go down fighting. She did the only thing she could do - slam her knee in between his legs. To her satisfaction, Tomas let out a cry of pain. But he didn’t loosen his grip.</p><p>This time she expected the blow. Tomas struck her again before throwing her to the ground and pinning her arms beneath his knees. “Try that again Nesta,” he paused running a hand down the cheek he had just slapped, “and I will ruin that pretty face of yours. Permanently.” </p><p>“Get the fuck off of her,” Nesta snapped her head to the side. Cassian. Cassian was here. </p><p>“Who the fuck are you?” Tomas growled. </p><p>“It doesn’t matter. You have 5 seconds before I permanently rearrange your face and make it so you can’t walk for a week.” Nesta could see Cassian was trying to restrain himself. His fists were clenched by his side. She had never seen him look so angry, and honestly, it was a terrifying sight. </p><p>Nesta saw it in Tomas’s eyes that he knew he had lost. Cassian was over 6 feet and built like a rock. He made Tomas look like a child. He would be delusional to try and fight him. </p><p>“Just because he’s protecting you now doesn’t mean he will be for long, Nesta,” Tomas whispered in her ear. “We both know that he’ll leave you sooner or later. Once he sees the real you, you’ll come running back.” Nesta physically flinched at the words. </p><p>“2 seconds,” Cassian growled.</p><p>“You are broken, Nesta. I broke you. I win.”</p><p>“Off. Now.” </p><p>Tomas stood and backed away holding his hands up. “She only got what she deserved.” Faster than Nesta could process, Cassian’s fist was flying into Tomas’s jaw. He was on the floor before she could blink. </p><p>“No. You got what you deserved,” Cassian glared down at Tomas. “Come near Nesta again and I promise you, I won’t hold back.”</p><p>Tomas stayed on the ground clutching his face and Cassian wrapped an arm around Nesta gently leading her out.</p><p>Cassian led Nesta to his car and opened the door for her. The ride to her apartment was quiet. Cassian glanced at her every couple of seconds but said nothing. All she could do was watch the buildings pass as Tomas’s words played through her mind. “You are broken.” </p><p>“Are you okay?” Cassian asked as soon as they were in the privacy of her apartment. They sat on the couch and he took her face gently in his hands, checking for injury. Her left cheek where Tomas had struck her was still red and beginning to swell.</p><p>“I’m fine,” she said quietly as she turned her face away. She knew she shouldn’t have but she felt shame. </p><p>Cassian stood, assessing her face once more before walking to the freezer. He pulled out a bag of frozen peas and wrapped it in a paper towel. As he gently placed it on her face she did her best not to flinch. It was quiet as Nesta let Cassian check her arms and torso for bruises.</p><p>“We should report him,” Cassian said, eventually breaking the silence as he took in her bruised body.</p><p>“No,” Nesta said quickly. “I don’t want to”</p><p>“Nesta, if you don’t, there’s nothing stopping him from coming after you again,“ he sighed. “We should take pictures to document proof.”</p><p>“It’s my decision and I said no. You won’t tell anyone about this.”</p><p>“Nesta let me be there for you.” He tried to grab her hand but she turned away. </p><p>“I don’t need your help. I can handle it by myself.” She grabbed the frozen peas from his hands and held it to her face.</p><p>“Just because you can handle it alone doesn’t mean you have to.” </p><p>“Why do you even care?” she snapped. She didn’t even know why she was mad at Cassian. He had only saved her life and of course, this is how she repaid him. </p><p>“If you didn’t know that I've been in love with you, I don’t know what to tell you,” he said softly. He strangely looked vulnerable as he watched her reaction. </p><p>Nesta kept her face neutral. She didn’t deserve his love. It’s not that she didn’t love him, she did. It was that she loved him so much she knew she couldn’t trap him. It wasn’t right. She was broken and she wouldn’t make him pick up the pieces only to find she was unfixable. There would always be a piece of her missing. A piece that unfortunately belonged to Tomas. No. It didn’t belong to him. He stole it. Regardless, she had been fooling herself. She thought she could move on with Cassian, that they could move past everything together. But she would never be enough for him. He would be miserable with her. At least that’s what she told herself as she prepared to rip her heart out. </p><p>“You should go,” she said, ice coating her words. </p><p>“Nes.” He had the worst puppy dog eyes. They made her heart hurt, but you could never tell. Years of practice wearing the mask of unwavering indifference made Nesta the perfect ice queen. </p><p>“Whatever this was, it’s over.” She didn’t even recognize her own voice. She had become the very thing she had hoped she would never resort to. </p><p>“You’re looking for reasons to shut me out and I won’t let you.”</p><p>“I was just fooling around with you. It was never serious for me.” </p><p>“I don’t believe you.” Even though he said that Nesta could tell he was starting to doubt himself. The weak part of her longed to hug him. To reassure him. Deep down she wished she would let herself love him, but instead, she would make him hate her. </p><p>“This whole thing. Getting involved with you. It was a mistake.” The lie burned in her throat. She used words she knew would hurt him the most. She knew his past. Feeling unwanted was his biggest insecurity. She was horrible for picking at that. For a brief moment she wanted to hug him, she had to reassure herself that she was doing him a favor. </p><p>He didn’t say a word, but she could see the hurt in his eyes.</p><p>“Damn it, Cassian. I don’t want you here and I never did. Get out!” That was the first time she had raised her voice at him, the final nail in the coffin. He stepped back as if he had physically been struck. She forced herself to look at his eyes. This would be the last time she saw him.</p><p>Just leave,” she said again, before turning her back on him.</p><p>It wasn’t until she heard the door shut that she let the tears fall.</p>
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<a name="section0006"><h2>6. Chapter 6</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>this is short but I hope you guys like it lol sorry it took so long! we're almost at the end :))</p>
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    <p>Nesta poured herself another glass of pinot noir, her second of the night. It had been 3 days since she had last seen Cassian. He had texted her a few times, all of which she ignored. </p><p>“Nesta please talk to me.”</p><p>“I’m not going to abandon you.”</p><p>The texts hurt her more than she thought they would. Then again, just because he said the words now, didn’t mean he wouldn’t change his mind. Eventually, he too would give up on her. He could only take so much. </p><p>It actually surprised her how hard it was to let him go. The more she tried to forget, the more he ran through her head. His stupid crooked smile, his infectious laughter, his bright caramel eyes, his - she stopped, reminding herself this was all for the best. She couldn’t burden him with her broken self, she wouldn’t. </p><p>All her days were the same. Work. Drink. Sleep. Repeat. Numbing the pain until it all blurred together. </p><p>Elain: Hey Nes! Let’s have lunch on Wednesday!!</p><p>Feyre: I have a surprise! </p><p>Nesta reread the texts but avoided responding. It’d been a day and they’d be coming whether she answered or not. It wouldn’t surprise her if Cassian had asked them to visit. Of course, he would. He was sweet and thoughtful even when she didn’t deserve it. She had said horrible things to him and he still cared. He was the kindest soul she’d ever met. She didn’t deserve him. You are broken. The words rang through her head. A never-ending mantra she wished more than anything would just shut up. </p><p>As expected, Feyre and Elain arrived at 12:30 on the dot.</p><p>“Hey, Nesta! We picked up some pizza and drinks,” Feyre said a little too cheerfully for her taste. Elain smiled, holding the bag up for emphasis. </p><p>She did her best to return the smile but it probably ended up looking more like a grimace. “Thanks, that sounds good.” In reality, Nesta couldn’t remember the last time she had a real meal. Her cheeks were sunken in and she probably still smelled like wine from the previous night. </p><p>Either they didn’t notice or they had the decency to not say anything. </p><p>“So you must be wondering what the surprise is,” Feyre said, taking a bite of the mushroom sausage pizza. It used to be Nesta’s favorite but she couldn’t find the desire to eat it.</p><p>“Rhysand rented all of us an Airbnb in Australia!” Elain exclaimed. “It was part of their honeymoon but we’re all invited!”</p><p>“What do you mean “all of us”?” she asked the question carefully, even though she had a feeling she knew the answer.</p><p>“The three sisters and three brothers of course,” Elain said like it was obvious. </p><p>Nesta stiffened. Cassian. Cassian would be going. “I don’t think I can. I have work.”</p><p>“We didn’t even say when it was,” Feyre said, raising a brow. </p><p>Shit. “I’m busy.”</p><p>“What’s wrong Nesta?” Elain asked, the worry clear in her voice. </p><p>“Nothing.”</p><p>“Really? Because you’re acting like the old Nesta.” Feyre said. </p><p>Nesta didn’t answer.</p><p>“Well, we’ll leave the information if you end up changing your mind.” Elain gave a small smile before shifting the conversation. </p><p>The rest of the lunch went by in a blur. But Feyre’s words echoed. “You’re acting like the old Nesta.” Maybe it was because she had never changed in the first place. </p><p>***</p><p>Nesta shot out of bed, instantly awakened by the banging at her door. It was 8:30 on a Saturday morning. What the hell. </p><p>She rubbed her eyes ignoring the pounding beneath her eyes. She slowly dragged herself to the door, but what she saw in the peephole instantly had her awake. </p><p>Tomas.  </p><p>He looked drunk. Who drank at 8 in the morning? And how the hell did he find her apartment? </p><p>“Nesta I know you’re in there I just wanna talk. I’m sorry, ok?”</p><p>Nesta rolled her eyes. She’d heard it a thousand times. </p><p>“Nesta!” Tomas banged the door. She flinched at the sound but remained watching. There was no way he could get in. Right?</p><p>“Hey. You need to go,” a familiar voice rang out. Cassian. “The only reason I haven’t kicked your ass yet is that I don’t want Nesta to know you’re here.”</p><p>Tomas instantly flinched as Cassian raised an arm. To both of their surprise, he didn’t hit him. He grabbed him by the arm leading him away. “Let’s go.” </p><p>And as Nesta watched them leave she slid to the floor. He still cared. Maybe she had made a mistake after all. </p><p>***</p><p>“Thank you for your statement, Ms. Archeron. Once we get this all sorted out, Mr. Mandray will no longer be able to come within 100 feet of you without facing repercussions. We will also work on getting the assault charge permanently on his record.”</p><p>Nesta nodded a bit tense as the judge shook her hand. “Thank you,” she said. She meant it. </p><p>She walked back to her apartment feeling light, more clear-headed than she had been in a long time. It had been almost 2 weeks since she filed the temporary restraining order and started seeing a therapist. After the hearing with all the photo evidence, the judge quickly made the order permanent. </p><p>She rummaged through her cupboard trying to find her wine bottle opener. She hadn’t had a drink in a while, but today was a day to celebrate. As she pulled it out she accidentally knocked a folder out, papers flying everywhere. Great. Just her luck. She quickly piled them back together when something in the back caught her eye - the invite card to Australia. She had completely forgotten about the trip. </p><p>It had been almost 3 weeks since she’d spoken to Cassian. She wanted to speak to him more than anything. After she began meeting with a therapist, her whole perspective changed. She was not broken. She was healing. A part of her was embarrassed to reach out to Cassian after the way she treated him, but mostly she was scared he wouldn’t forgive her. That the best thing in her life would walk away permanently. </p><p>But if she didn’t try to apologize, she would never know.  </p><p>She scrolled through Instagram to take her mind off of the whole thing only to see a smiling Feyre and Elain on a white sand beach. She noticed 3 boys splashing in the crystal water in the background of the photo - one, in particular, catching her eye. </p><p>Before she could talk herself out of it, she pulled up her boss’s number and hit call.</p><p>“Nesta?” the confused voice of her boss answered.</p><p>“Hi, Amanda. I’m really sorry for the late notice, but I won’t be able to come to work this week.”</p><p>“What?” Shit, she did not sound happy. “Why?”</p><p>Wow, she really hadn’t thought this through. “My mother passed away,” she blurted. “I have to travel for the funeral.” It wasn’t a total lie. Her mother did die… when she was 18...</p><p>“Nesta, I’m so sorry. You take all the time you need.” Her boss sounded so sympathetic she almost felt bad. Almost. </p><p>“Thank you so much, Amanda. Bye now. “</p><p>And before Nesta’s logic could talk her out of it, she purchased one nonrefundable ticket to Australia. </p><p>Who knew if Cassian would forgive her. But she knew one thing for sure, she had to try. She wasn’t letting him turn her down without putting up a fight. There was no going back now.</p>
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<a name="section0007"><h2>7. Chapter 7</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>wow this is the last one (besides an epilogue)... thank you for the support i love you all! your comments never fail to make my day &lt;3 hope you enjoy!</p>
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    <p>Nesta watched as the city of San Francisco became smaller and smaller from the plane window. Here in the clouds, she felt weightless, free. Everything felt so small from this altitude.</p><p>Still, she might have completely lost her mind. She couldn’t believe she was actually flying to Australia with no information on where she was going other than an address on an invite card and her sisters’ locations on life 360. By the cauldron, she was truly crazy. But she didn’t have a choice, she needed to talk to Cassian. Nesta couldn’t live with herself if she didn’t at least try.</p><p>For an hour, she tried planning what she would say to Cassian when she saw him. She knew it was probably pointless. As soon as she saw him, the words would fly out of her brain. That didn’t stop her from trying to come up with ideas though. </p><p>What was she supposed to say? “I’m sorry I’m such an idiot please forgive me?” Gods this was gonna be a wreck. </p><p>It didn’t matter though. All she knew was that she had to try to get him back. She missed his jokes, she missed his smile, she missed all of him. And if he didn’t forgive her, she’d spend the rest of her life missing him. </p><p>Thinking of what she might have lost wasn’t doing much. After another hour of running endless scenarios through her head, she decided she might as well sleep. It was a 13-hour plane ride after all. </p><p>After what felt like minutes, Nesta was awakened by the pilot announcing their descent. Wow, had she really slept the entire time? It had been days since she’d slept that well. It’s good that she was well-rested. She needed to be 100% focused when explaining how sorry she was to Cassian. </p><p>After gathering her bags, Nesta called a taxi and gave the location of the air BnB Rhysand had rented for the week. It was within 15 minutes of the airport and she simultaneously felt a rush of relief and anxiousness, if that was even possible. Relief because it would be a fairly cheap ride and anxious because in less than 15 minutes she would be seeing Cassian again for the first time in weeks. </p><p>She leaned her face against the cool taxi window, watching the endless white sand and crystal blue water pass by. She took a deep breath, letting the crashing waves calm her beating heart. This was actually happening. </p><p>Before she knew it, the taxi was pulling into the driveway of the 2 story air BnB that looked straight out of a movie scene. The taxi driver helped with her bags and she tipped him with the Australian dollars she had just gotten from the bank.</p><p>She lugged her suitcase up the steps and knocked on the front door, but there was no answer. For a moment Nesta thought she had a mistake in not calling ahead. What if they were out? She pulled out her phone, about to check her sister’s location when she heard Rhysand howling in laughter. The sound seemed to be coming from the backyard.</p><p>She opened the fence and saw a whole volleyball net set up in a sandpit. Feyre and Elain were sprawled on lawn chairs, drinking fruity drinks while tanning. The boys were playing beach volleyball. If you could even call it that. Azriel had his ass in the sand rubbing a red mark on his face. From Rhysand’s laughter, it seemed as though he was to blame.</p><p>All of the laughter stopped as the group realized they had a visitor. 5 pairs of eyes immediately turned to Nesta. The silence was so deafening,  you could actually hear a pin drop.</p><p>For 5 seconds Neata didn’t know what to do except give a hesitant, awkward wave. </p><p>Thank the cauldron for Elain who could diffuse any situation. She ran up to Nesta giving her a hug and even Feyre followed her lead.  </p><p>“I thought about it and decided to take your offer,” she said softly as her sisters embraced her warmly. </p><p>“I’m glad you did,” Feyre smiled as she pulled back. It seemed genuine enough. </p><p>After they pulled away, her eyes instantly locked with his. Hurt and confusion lined his features and guilt tugged at her heart. </p><p>Neither of them moved, but neither turned away either. </p><p>“Umm, why don’t we go get dinner started?” Feyre suggested to the group. </p><p>Rhysand and Azriel were instantly running inside, obviously hoping to escape the awkward situation as quickly as possible. </p><p>Once they were alone Nesta took the lead. “Hi,” she breathed. It was lame, but it was all she could think of to say. </p><p>“Hi,” he answered as he took a few steps towards her, hands in his pockets. </p><p>“Can we talk?” she asked, outstretching a hand hesitantly. </p><p>He nodded slowly before taking her hand. </p><p>They made the quick minute walk to the beach in silence. Nesta felt the waves lapping at her ankles as they continued walking along the shore. She was stalling, but she knew she would have to talk eventually.</p><p>“I’m sorry, Cassian,” she began. She normally struggled to apologize. They were hard for her to give, but not this time. She was genuinely so sorry. More sorry than she had been for anything. </p><p>He opened his mouth to speak, but she continued before he could. She needed to get everything out there.</p><p>“I treated you horribly Cass and everything I said was a lie. I took your advice and reported Tomas and I’ve been seeing a therapist. You were right and I’m sorry I took out all my anger on you when you were just trying to help me.”</p><p>She took a breath, steadying herself so she could explain clearly.</p><p>“I always thought I was broken and that night Tomas made me feel unfixable. He made me feel like I was a weight that would drag you down. I didn’t want to hurt you, but I thought pushing you away was the right thing to do.</p><p>He squeezed her hand softly. Both encouraging her to continue and to let her know he was there. </p><p>“I know now that isn’t the truth. I am healing and I know that I deserve happiness. I deserve the chance to be with someone who loves me for me. I deserve somebody like you, Cassian. And I know that this may be too little too late, but I could not continue on without talking to you. I know I had to try because… because I love you. But I understand if you don’t feel the same.”</p><p>Nesta instantly felt lighter after getting all of her true feelings off of her chest. Cassian was silent for a moment, clearly processing her words.</p><p>Her heart was beating wildly in her chest as she waited for his response, He didn’t keep her waiting long. Within a minute he was pulling her into his arms and she relaxed in his embrace. “Say it again,” he breathed against her ear.</p><p>“I love you,” she repeated. “I knew it months ago and I’m sorry it took so long for me to be able to admit it.”</p><p>“I love you too.”</p><p>They stood there, content to be in each other’s arms after weeks apart. Cassian took a seat in the sand, gesturing for Nesta to sit with him. She laughed softly as she sat, leaning into him. They watched the sun set along the shimmering water together. Nesta knew this was a magical moment she would never forget. </p><p>“Did you really fly across the world to chase me?” Cassian asked, breaking the comfortable silence.</p><p>She laughed, smacking his arm playfully. “What can I say? We’re meant to be,” she shrugged as she repeated the words he said to her months ago. </p><p>“I told you so,” he said, his grin spreading as he pulled her tighter against him.</p><p>“Shut up and kiss me.”</p><p>And Cassian did.</p><p>As his lips pressed against hers Nesta knew a new chapter in her life was beginning. A chapter where Cassian would always be by her side. And she wouldn’t want it any other way.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>thanks for reading!! you can also find on Tumblr my acct is also @maastrash hehe</p></blockquote></div></div>
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